the butterfly chronicles

march madness.

2012-03-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

we stayed in our pjs all day on monday and i probably stepped on their little baby dolls 20+ times. they are all about carrying baby dolls around the house. the little miss usually always has two in tow - i never realized it's probably because she always has had her brother glued to her hip. they take care of them, feed them, read to them, play with them, tell me when their dolls need a diaper change. they are all about their babies. and i am all about them. i wonder if i will ever stop calling them "babies." i can't imagine stopping. :)

later that afternoon we sat down to do a project, one of the kiddos favorite times of the day. if i forget to get project stuff out, the little miss is quick to remind me. they love making things, especially if they are for daddy or their grandparents. we were making st. patrick day treat bags to put goodies in next week for friends.

i was cutting, they were gluing and putting googly eyes on them. i got distracted and kind of tuned out while i was cutting a bunch of hearts for the shamrocks. next thing i hear is the little guy say, "cut" and felt a little sensation right at my head by my ear as i heard the metal on metal of scissors. i forgot i left some little orange sewing scissors [not the black ones in the picture] on the desk behind me. gasp!!! we were sitting on the floor, me in my french braid being all domesticated, and the little guy took matters into his own hands and thought he would give me a haircut. right when i realized what happened, i started screaming, "oh, noooo!" while i was frantically undoing my french braid to see if he really did it.

and he did!!! this is only about 1/3 of what he cut off. the rest got thrown all over the office as i kept finding more and more clumps falling out of my head. "madness" was an understatement. i called my sister to calm me down and was crying and screaming and telling her what happened. she was trying not to laugh and telling me how someday this would be really funny. then, the little guy peeks his head around the door and with the cutest concerned face says "it's okay mommy. don't be sad." and ran and hugged and kissed me. ugh, what do you do. that dang cuteness. gets me every time.

my sister was right. it's funny now. it's my fault i left scissors where a 2-year-old could get them, even if they were little safety scissors. good thing that's all he did with the scissors!

... and next thing you know he is off doing the next crazy thing - pretending my couch is grandma kris' trampoline.
my.crazy.little.monkey.

[thank you] for our little peanut.

2012-03-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

i couldn't find the print ad online and i don't know how to put pdf files on my blog, so had to snap a picture of a picture on my computer. that's why the above pic is all fuzzy. my sister, aka "giners", (we speak in nicknames in our family. mine is "ratchel" thanks to a computerized bill collector who was hunting me down in college), gave us all a scare when she had to deliver her baby early just over a year ago. the little peanut was in the nicu for awhile. she was tiny. we went home to missouri that year for thanksgiving so we could see them. we couldn't hold her or touch her, just look at her through the glass. my heart was breaking for my sister until we got there. seeing how great the staff was to them, gave so much comfort to our family. they recently asked her to do some stuff for their current ad campaign and i love that it is something that we all get to treasure forever. our little peanut is happy and healthy now and literally climbing on everything like a crazy little monkey these days... my sister just had dad secure a dresser to the wall, if that tells you anything!

... and we are all soo thankful to st. mary's that our little peanut is here with us today.

the hot flash {is over}.

2012-03-06T01:35:00.000-07:00

howdy. i'm done with my freak out session. i have calmed down and right now i sort of feel like a doggie that got in trouble with his tail tucked between his legs. except i have no tail. and i am not a dog. well, unless you count the days i sport my fuzzy hair in a bun and don't get out of my pjs. then i am a dog. definitely.

i am rambling. my point is that for the 1000th time i have said i am going private, made the blog private, and then made it unprivate again. i seem to forget that you can only have 100 people view your blog if you go private - and well, that would hardly fit my family, extended family, and friends. polynesians tend to have humongo families. and besides that, i'm okay with the world again. another lesson in the book of "god sees what is ahead more than i see."

and i'm okay with that.
in fact, it's pretty darn amazing if you ask me.

a favorite: {bedtime}.

2012-02-19T23:43:00.001-07:00

i captured this picture of them during nap time last week. they wanted to nap on my bed while i was dealing with a huge mound of laundry. i enjoyed the company. i still get awe struck with them. just staring at them, smiling, tearing up. i thank god for them every single day. back to the picture - the little miss had taken her favorite blanket and spread it over him because he fell asleep first. she said he was cold. then she put her arm through his, hung on tight, and fell right to sleep too. i had to grab my phone and snap this to lock away in my memory. this picture says a lot to me. she takes care of him, he protects her. he looks like he doesn't have a care in the world with his arms tucked behind his head, doesn't he? and he is her security blanket. my little angels.

my favorite part of today came at the close of this sunday: bedtime.
not because they were going to sleep and i would finally have a much needed moment to myself, but because of this sweet little conversation that happens practically every.single.night.

little guy: i love you ame'.
little miss: i love you aisa. {they embrace in the cutest hug and give kisses}
little guy: i see you tomorrow. {throwing kisses to her as daddy walks him to his bedroom}.

5-10 minutes pass and a tearful little miss says, as she gets tucked in to bed: i miss my bubba.

A + A = always meant to be

...together.

back and forth.

2012-02-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

photo via weheartit

thank you to those who sent messages, some in a panic, because of my last post. some made me laugh, some made me cry. i wasn't searching for all the love that came pouring in - and didn't know i would make some new friends because of it - but i am soo eternally thankful for it. i didn't make the comments public because some of you put some pretty personal things on there and had some of your personal info, but i read them all and appreciate them so. and thanks to those who posted their emails just wanting to keep in touch. we are blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives.

life is always full of twists and turns and our little family is navigating our way through one of them. many of you know we have open adoptions and our lives have been TRULY blessed because of them. it's been such a beautiful experience and i wouldn't have done it differently. and as much as we want things to be one way, we are reminded that free agency always plays a hand. i have a tendency to want to pull my loving husband and children close and shut out the world when i feel scared of something ahead. but then i am reminded that having faith is better than living scared. my battle. i am reminded of this poem i wrote at a very difficult time. it plays in my head like a broken record:

The Storm © Rachelle Lewman Marshall

Can you hear it?
… A storm is coming. It is upon me now.
I search for shelter in a room I did not wish to enter.
People say they are sorry for our loss.
Sorry that we must suffer.
But I can see through the rain.
For I know if I reach high enough
and LEAP towards the heavens…
...I will catch a rainbow on my way down.

i feel like we are reaching towards the heavens - even jumping - searching for an answer to come and for the strength to follow through. my prayers are stronger. my thoughts are deeper. but my heart is sad.

i know this is cryptic. it is meant to be. i don't ever want this blog to be a place that hurts anyone - and i hope what i have said has not done that. if it has i am sorry. but at the same time, i have always been honest here, because this is a record for my children someday. so there is my inner struggle: stay public or go private. i am not sure yet.

i had some really touching emails about how this blog has given hope and inspiration and how it has affected some people's lives for good, especially those navigating different aspects of adoption. birth parents, birth mothers, birth grandparents. those comments were unexpected and i am truly humbled. thank you for sharing your feelings with me.

so the future is unsure but i am ever indebted to my heavenly father.
that he hears and answers my prayers.
little ole' me.
when i beacon him.
when i cry.
when i need.

even when the answers are hard to hear.
even when the answers are hard to follow.
i am thankful that the answers do come.

and i am thankful for each of you.
... my cup runneth over.

blog going private

2012-02-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

i am sad to say, but the time has come for this blog to go private. If you would like to be added, email me or leave a message. Thank you for all of your love and support through the years.

sick days.

2012-01-28T03:58:00.001-07:00

our little family of four is sick again. i blame the weather, and my really bad decision to take the kids to play on the mcdonalds playhouse a few weeks ago. that was a nightmare! it only took me 10 minutes to make the decision to leave that germ-infested crazy fenced in danger zone. imagine two kids screaming, a mom losing her marbles while one kid is doing the limp body act on the floor because she doesn't want to leave and the other kid is kicking me in the back of the leg while screaming, "don't touch my sissy!". i actually would have loved to see a playback of that. i'm sure it was pretty funny to witness. the doctor diagnosed this as viral bronchitis and every.single.one.of.us caught it - and have had it for over a week now. and though it has not been any fun and we can hardly breathe or move without losing our breath, there have been a few smile worthy moments:

> mr. kiwi got to be home sick with us. always great to spend more time with him, even sick time.
> watching the little people go stir crazy from being inside for way too long.
> aisa'toa following ame'lia around like a shadow.
> aisa'toa talking nonstop to ame'lia from the time she wakes up until he falls asleep.
> ame'lia screaming at aisa'toa, "AISA - you no talk to ame' today!!!" she's done with him.
> he thinks he is soo funny.
> fresh oranges. wow, it's like a magic fruit when you are sick.
> the little miss carrying around 8 pairs of panties, every day, for no apparent reason.
> the little guy causing trouble by using said panties as a hat and driving his sister to tears.
> over and over again.
> a quick visit from nana + papa.
> had to speak in church last sunday, my whole presidency did.
> and all but one of them were sick too - but we fulfilled our assignment!
> thank heaven for priesthood blessings.

reshuffling + downsizing.

2012-01-27T02:37:00.002-07:00

> we did a little reshuffling and downsizing in our finances at the end of 2011.
> we tightened up the belt and let go of some of the excess.
> that is also why we did a homemade christmas.
> it was the best christmas though.
> i also sold my piano back to the store.
> mr. kiwi was very sad because he got that for me.
> i did it while he was at work.
> it needed to be done.
> he is determined to get me another one.
> i say, someday, when our business is thriving.
> it took the kids a few days to figure out it was gone.
> that was a little sad to see.
> but i can always get another piano.
> i also sold my cricut, lots of unneeded stuff, and some furniture.
> it's amazing all the junk you accumulate.
> but all this downsizing really was for the better.
> things are things, they come and go.
> but the most important things are still here.
> and those two-legged little "things" make it all worth it.

such is the life of a stay-at-home mom. i know some people don't want the life of a stay-at-home mommy, but i do. i want every second of it. even the crummy ones. even the ones that have me crying on a counter or plugging my ears singing the alphabet song - and so we do what we have to do to make it happen. i always am amazed when i think back to my mom and all the sacrifices she made and extra things she did so that she could be home with us. it makes my heart warm and fuzzy.

good ole' recession.
good ole' reminder of what is most important.

the {other} F word.

2012-01-21T16:13:00.002-07:00

this is probably TMI, but i wanted to record it because i think someday the kiddos will think it is pretty darn funny. in this house, we don't say the F word that rhymes with "darted." you know the one? okay, good. around here we say things like "tooted" or "did a stinky." there's no big reason. i don't think it is a big naughty word or anything like that. i just don't like that word. AT ALL. never have, never will. so i banned it in our house, right along with all my other grossed out words {because i am the wifey and the mommy and i get to do crazy things like that around here}.

which brings me to the funny part. somewhere along the way, the little miss heard that word but she learned it wrong. she has it confused with "burped." so whenever she burps she says, "oh, escuze me! i fauted." and then her and the little monster spend the next five minutes trying to make themselves burp again, all the while laughing hysterically.

and while we are documenting encounters with "F" words ... we actually did have an experience last year where the other "F" word {or something that sounded extremely close to it} was blurted out by the little cutie in the middle of sacrament meeting at our church. i have never jumped up and ran out of a place soo fast in my life. for the record, mr. kiwi blames rap music and the media.

umm, ok.
haha.

happenings.

2012-01-11T00:10:00.001-07:00

2012 is off and running and already our favorite. who am i kidding. every year is our favorite just because it's another year together. and what in the world is better than that i ask you?!

nothing, i tell ya.
absolutely - nothing.

so far this year we have:

> welcomed the new year in with a quick visit from nana + papa {my parents}. we sure love you!
> had lunch with grandma kaera + jessa at thanksgiving point.
> visited mr. kiwi's sister + her family. the kids love spending time with their cousins.
> got a bag of goodies from kui + koro in new zealand. mr. kiwi's stash is full again.
> the kiddos had their first sushi night. soo fun! nothing raw. ame' was in heaven. aisa threw rice balls.
> made some business changes that we feel good about and excited for what it gives back to our friends.
> aunty nani + grandma kris babysat and made cupcakes with the kids. ame' {loves} baking.
> i'm pretty sure more frosting went in ame's belly than on the cupcakes.
> aisa'toa has a scarf permanently attached to his neck and gets mad if you make him take it off.
> surprised jessa for her 21st birthday. cutest party i've ever seen.
> enjoyed springtime weather at the park with only a sweater ... AND IT'S JANUARY IN UTAH PEOPLE!
> sorry, i had to yell that.
> and then it snowed.
> and now it is "very, very cold ," in the words of ame'.
> as.it.should.be.

10 days down, 356 ~~days~~ blessings ahead.

oreck {giveaway}.

2012-01-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

cute little michelle is hosting an amazing giveaway on her blog. it closes tomorrow. just leave her a message and click this link to go there. just sharing the love!

the piles {were} growing.

2012-01-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

i started ~~couponing~~ aka collecting stacks of newspapers three months ago. {lol}. that's really what it feels like, collecting newspapers. a colossal waste of space, money, and time. at least for me. this is the place i always get stuck until mr. kiwi starts asking why we have 30 newspapers in the hallway. i tried giving them away to my friend hine. but she sort of talked me back into trying again and cutting and organizing them before i quit. so i did that. they are sitting all pretty in a well organized binder that i am very proud of. but i still don't want to do it. it brings me more stress than anything. pretty organized shiny paged stress, but stress nonetheless.

so i've come to a conclusion. i don't like couponing. i like organizing. which i already knew and didn't need 500 pages of print to tell me. i know it would save money in the long run, but for the $30 dollars a month i've spent for the last 3 months on newspaper subscriptions, i haven't saved anything since i haven't used them. so that is more like $90 out the window. and as for the shopping, i really am a stick to my list kind of girl. i don't like shopping for things i don't need, even if they are a really great deal.

so to all the awesome couponers: i think you are awesome and wish i was like you and had well stockpiled rooms - but i guess not enough to follow through. i'd rather go work out than spend any more time on couponing - and we all know that i am not an "i love working out" kind of gal. although someday i hope to be! so the newspapers are cancelled and i am now giving away a well-organized coupon stocked binder.

score {for someone besides me}.
... and with that, the stress has left the building.

{our} 2012 goals.

2012-01-04T22:31:00.000-07:00

photo credit

it's 2012 goal time! i don't like to make or say "resolutions" just because they are famous for failing. i prefer "goals." it may be semantics, but it works for my crazy brain. this year mr. kiwi and i set goals with the intent to simplify our lives and get back to the basics. here is what 2012 looks like for us:

GOD FIRST: put our relationship with god first and everything else will fall in place. this is something that i think is easy to say, but soo much harder to follow through on. we always "try" but we don't always "do." so this year, our goal is more "doing" - going to the temple, making all our church meetings, reading our scriptures (mr. kiwi is blowing me out of the water on this one so far), meaningful family time, and just taking time to appreciate and recognize what god has blessed us with. i think this will be measured by how joyful we are. things seem to always be more peaceful and happy when we do this.
BE HEALTHY EXAMPLES: show our kids what good health is by the way we live. we are aiming for homemade meals (avoiding processed as much as possible), no fast food for all of 2012, and being more active physically. i finally go ta gym membership. i use to loathe it but now am looking forward to many more workouts. i am excited to learn to cook more from scratch and not use processed stuff. little steps make a big difference and we want to be here as long as possible for our family. i am measuring this by keeping a monthly meal diary to track our meals and weighing in every sunday with mr. kiwi to track weight loss.
FOLLOW A BUDGET: track spending daily/weekly/monthly/yearly. i am excellent at creating a budget. however, i am not very good at sticking to one. so this year, every dollar will go into a category and every penny will be accounted for. i want to see where we are wasting and what we are spending on. i will be measuring this goal by balancing up daily/weekly/monthly so we can see our progress and areas where we need to improve.
GET POTTY TRAINED: obviously, this is for the babies {obviously, and thankfully!}. the little ones are perfect as they are, but being potty trained will surely add to their awesomeness. this will be measured by an increase of money in our budget and the decrease in funk coming from our trash cans. the trash man will be soo very pleased.

it's going to be a great year!

word for 2012: UP.

2012-01-01T01:34:00.002-07:00

last year my word was "change." even though at times i felt like an inch worm creeping along, looking back at the year in full, i feel good about the changes i was able to make. it's amazing what you can do when you put your trust in god. and even though i still have a bazillion and one things to change and improve, i am pleased. and i hope god is pleased too.

this year my "word" for 2012 is not just for me - it is actually for our whole family. the word we chose:

up.

simple, powerful.

- chin up.
- get up.
- look up.

so here's to an amazing 2012, full of opportunities for us all to reach towards the heavens.
happy new years from our family to yours. ♥

to look up is joy. - Confucius

smitten {♥}.

2011-12-31T00:07:00.000-07:00

my obsession with cute planners has peaked again. have you heard of erin condren? her designs make me happy! they are bright and pretty, and not to mention - every package comes wrapped like a pretty pretty package with extra personalized goodies inside. her packaging is just as beautiful as the items she sells. soo lovely.

i really was going to do a post about this very thing a few months ago. i fell in looooove with these planners this summer and have been completely smitten ever since. i was having some major planner envy but was trying to refrain from buying one - since i had just bought a new franklin, which i wasn't loving at all. then, my cute friend, jennifer, offered a giveaway on her blog ... and i actually got picked! i couldn't believe it! the package arrived today and i have spent hours flipping the pages and filling it in with all my goodies for 2012. sooo much fun!

speaking of being "smitten," i have been in love with her blog from the first day i read it. you can find it at cupcakes and mud puddles. seriously, who doesn't love cup cakes and mud puddles? her blog is all of that and much more. a special note, their family is also hoping to adopt again - and what a wonderful family they are. if you know anyone who is interested in an amazing family, they would be an amazing choice! jennifer is a friend i made in blogland and we exchange emails from time to time. she is thoughtful and kind, and just a really sweet soul. she always has cute giveaways but better than her giveaways is her sweet personality and spirit. i especially love reading about her family traditions and looking at her beautiful pictures. she is soo talented.

a great big thank you to jenn and her little guy for picking me.

what a special treat i get to open all year long. ♥

christmas day.

2011-12-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

i woke the kids up at 7:00 am christmas morning to open their gifts. we had to leave by 8:00 am to be at church early and i didn't want to miss out on the morning. probably a bad idea. they were far more interested in sleeping than in looking at their toys. notice their lack of smiles?? haha. we didn't buy presents this year. i bought little trinkets for their stockings and made them a few things, sticking with our homemade christmas plan. all the presents they had under the tree were from grandparents and family members, minus a few cake mixes for the little baker, and a couple of wooden cars for aisa'toa. we wanted it to be a special christmas, focusing on giving, and it was the best ever.

we were off to church and i have never sat in on a more beautiful christmas program. our bishopric did amazing and had beautiful musical numbers as well. the primary sang a really nice song that our wonderful music leaders taught them and i couldn't help but tear up. the whole morning was lovely. we actually {almost} made it thru an entire sacrament meeting too... ame' + aisa were really, really good.

after church we hosted mr. kiwi's family christmas dinner. it was a nice afternoon with his sister and brother and their families. my brother-in-law, romaine, bought each family an iPad. um, yes. amazing. the kids are loving playing with that. we fixed a nice meal with honey baked ham, hashbrown casserole, green beans, salad, roasted yams, hot rolls, and much more.

again, we focused this year on doing a homemade christmas and on doing service and random acts of kindness. that was our favorite part of christmas 2011. we thought it would be fun, in lieu of buying presents for each other, to pick out strangers that we felt impressed might need a little hand, and give them the money and wish them a merry christmas. it's not like we had a lot of money to give. it wasn't much at all, but it really was the last dime that we had and we gave with a sincere heart. more than being fun, it was emotional and very touching. strangers reaching out to hug us with tear filled eyes. we experienced something really special. i wonder if that is how the widow felt in the scriptures when she gave all she had.

how thankful we are for the gift of the savior. the first time ame'lia said "jesus in the little bed" it touched me. our savior, in a little manger, filled with hay. the moment he was born he had no comforts, no audience, no praise for being a king. it was humble. it was cold. it was for you and me. we are soo thankful for the gift and example of the Savior. we are grateful for our blessings of wonderful family and friends, and especially for the gospel of jesus christ. our lives would not be the same without it.

hope you and yours had a very {merry} christmas and a happy new year.

some happenings {december}.

2011-12-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

just a few fun things we did in december. some for the advent calendar - others just because.
hope you had a great december.

we sure did!!!

our {count down} to christmas.

2011-12-28T14:56:00.001-07:00

i wanted an easy advent calendar for christmas to help our kids be excited about the season. i needed something easy and quick so i just used leftover craft supplies i had stashed away. i thought i would just use it this year and toss it out. however, we had soo much fun and made some great memories, we decided to make the exact same thing next year with new adventures. i also am going to keep all of the manilla tags, take them off the ribbon, and tie them like a little book and mark it for 2011. it will be something fun we can look at every year that will help us remember this christmas. i am planning on putting the pictures i took on the back of each tag as well.

supplies used:
25 manilla luggage tags
1 long ribbon, apprx. 2 feet
30 pieces of ribbon scraps to tie
black pen

all i did was tie the tags onto the long ribbon with leftover ribbon scraps. each day i would write something down that we would do. i started with a bag from them to draw from, but my kids are only 2 so i did away with that and started just writing something fun we would do that day and they had a blast. here is the list of activities we did this year:

watch Santa Claus is coming to Town movie and pop some popcorn.
take a drive to see the christmas lights.
make gingerbread houses with grandma kris.
read new christmas book from grandma kaera.
fhe: play at the playground.
make cards for teachers.
make paper ornaments for the tree.
watch frosty the snowman and make snowman cookies for friends.
sugar cookies and hot chocolate at kneaders.
buy new mittens.
read new children's book on the nativity.
fhe: put out the glass nativity and do lesson on it.
kids make + decorate birthday cake{for baby jesus}.
open new christmas coloring books.
make wreath for front door.
make 300 nativity ornaments for ward party {ah quins saved mommy}.
attend ward christmas party: the polar express. {sleepover @ ah quins).
read new christmas book.
daddy's work party.
fhe: a night of service.
christmas craft party @ our house with all the little aunties.
homemade gifts for birth families (ornaments + picture frames).
random acts of kindness {gave money to strangers and wished them merry christmas}.
go to grandma + grandpas for fondue night.
have a merry christmas with family.

merry merry christmas.

2011-12-26T06:43:00.001-07:00

just some pictures on the porch a few days ago. we did a "homemade christmas" this year and i have to admit, it's been one of - if not the best - christmas i have ever had my whole married life. used these pictures for the cards and some of the gifts. i'll share more later - but just wanted to say "merry christmas". i was late (again) doing cards - so we are sending out new year's cards this year. may be a new tradition since i've done this every year since the babies were born! it seems a little strange not to have snow on the ground right now, but it sure made it nice to quickly run around and get things done! everyone in my house is still sleeping off the christmas fun. i think i'm going to to go back and join them.

happy happy holidays!

dear {poor neglected} blog.

2011-12-15T03:45:00.000-07:00

i promise not to ignore you once the ward christmas party is over. bishop put primary in charge of it this year. good thing i have always been blessed with wonderful counselors and primary teachers.

see you {hopefully} soon.
xo - me

today's funnies.

2011-12-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

this morning the little miss dropped yogurt on her foot and said, "mommy, help! my foot is bleeding yogurt."
that was followed by the little guy sticking yogurt up his nose and blowing it out, while laughing hysterically. when i asked him why he did that he said, "sorry, mom. my nose is sooo hungry."

funny things they say.

2011-11-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

ame'lia:
mommy! ame's got a wedgie.
ame' wants to make a cake.
put the cake in freezer. then you do a crumb coat...
whoa, that was a big one.
i'm not a baby. i'm ame'!
aisa is a little boy. ame' is a girl.
bye, aisa. i be right back.
if i take a nap, santa will bring me a pink car and a pink ball. aisa wants a green car and a green ball.
ame' can have daddy's phone.
aisa, yets go jump!

aisa'toa:
no timeouts.
no naptime.
no bedtime.
no get in trouble.
no listen.
no go bye bye.
gimme that donut right now!
hi! how are you? good.
gimme that.
that's mine.
ame', want to go jump?

... just wanted to jot a few things down to remember someday.

what a fun age. they are so happy in this big ole' world.

what an absolute joy to be their mommy.

giving thanks.

2011-11-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year and i would be truly ungrateful if i didn't take a moment to give thanks for all my blessing. we have been blessed abundantly with our beautiful family, good friends, employment, love, health, and joy. we have been blessed with strength through our trials and with family and friends who support and love us. we are thankful that aunty anga had a successful surgery and is recovering at primary children's. what a blessing. i am thankful for my sweet little family and that i get to spend this long weekend with them.

we are staying home for thanksgiving. we had plans to share the holiday with some friends and were soo looking forward to that. then all of my little pack started getting sick and dropping like flies. so instead of passing our germs around, we will be spending our thanksgiving at home, all bundled in our beds getting caught up on movies and resting. doesn't feel much like thanksgiving but i am going to try really hard to make tomorrow special.

hope you have a special thanksgiving with your loved ones.

prayers for {aunty anga}.

2011-11-22T00:16:00.000-07:00

this is one amazing girl, one of our family's favorite people in this whole wide world. i can't even count the number of times she has unselfishly done something amazing for our family. from being one awesome aunty, to mowing our lawns, to loving on my kids, and cleaning my house. the list goes on and on. she is amazing. today she is going in for an operation to remove a pituitary tumor from her brain. we know she will be protected and that everything will go as it should. we know that many prayers have already gone out on her behalf, but a few more could only help. if you could remember her in your prayers, that would be soo appreciated, as well as her parents and sisters/and all the doctors at primary children's too.

surgery begins at 7:15 am today.
... anga, we love you!

happy birthday: {big guy ♥}.

2011-11-21T12:05:00.000-07:00

this is our song right now. we sing it in our alone time before you go to bed. just me and you and the moon. you like to do a little wiggle dance and scrunch your nose up into funny faces. we laugh and giggle and you say, "i yuv you mommy." when daddy takes you off to put you in your bed, you throw me lots of kisses and say goodnight. you make my heart smile. you bring us joy.

your favorite thing to do right now is ride your superman scooter, a present from grandpa glen and grandma lenan (jessa's parents). you get better and better every day! you also love running and usually always have some sort of car in your hand. you love to sing "twinkle twinkle" and "abc" and "popcorn" is your favorite song before bed. i love how you fold your arms for prayer - it makes me giggle every time. i'll have to remember to snap a picture of that one day soon before you realize it and do it differently. you love all food, i don't really think you have a favorite. you love waking your sister up/playing in the toy room/visiting your little aunties/all your grandparents/teasing everyone/exploring new things/and opening and closing doors. you have an adorable personality.

for your birthday, all of your birth families were here to celebrate with us, aunties, uncles, grandparents, even great grandparents. grandma kris/grandpa toshi/all the aunties/and papa was here too. you are soo loved. you even had great grandparents here as well. and of course jessa + devin too - they wouldn't have missed it for the world. we are soo thankful for their good examples and selfless love they have for you. they smile when they watch you. their greatest desire for you is to be happy and loved ... and you are.

our lives + home would be missing a huge piece without you. you were meant to be here. you were meant to be our little boy. we couldn't be more thankful. thanks for being such a good care taker of your sister and always being the best little sharer in the room. that's who you are - always giving to others. we love you little guy. here's to another great year with lots more for you to discover! happy birthday bubba.

love always,
mommy.

ps. and no your birthday has not changed. it is not today, it was on the 3rd. mommy is just late as usual getting this posted. ((love ♥ you))

the tree went up.

2011-11-14T22:46:00.019-07:00

i carried the big gray bins up two flights of stairs before the little monkey's nap time today. i have always been dead set on the fact that the tree does not go up until the day after thanksgiving, one of my favorite family traditions from childhood. however, i have been feeling the urge lately to start a new family tradition. am excited to see how it plays out.

it seems that [2] is the magical age in this house where my little ones are really excited to learn about holidays. first halloween, now thanksgiving, and soon christmas. after reading a few christmas books for bedtime, they can't seem to talk enough about "jesus in the little bed" as ame' says, a donkey in the barn, santa claus, reindeer in the sky, christmas trees, and all the "pretty socks" aka stockings. they jumped and clapped and said "good job mommy" what seemed like at least 100 times while i assembled the tree. i wanted to get it up before mr. kiwi came home as it was a part of my family home evening lesson.

our lesson was on "the light of christ brings love at home." we sang "popcorn popping," played a game, daddy read from the scriptures, we all helped fluff the tree, and then hung white lights to remind us of the savior's pure love. we ended with the kiddos stealing clumps of my homemade cranberry oatmeal cookie dough (amazing stuff) from the bowl faster than i could cook them. it was a sweet night. the kids are now all nestled in their beds, me on my laptop, and mr. kiwi is currently on a covert mission aka playing call of duty. my little hero.

tonight we made our list of things we are thankful for in 2011 and put it in a pretty box under the tree.

daddy said he was thankful for the health of his children.
mommy said she was thankful to be a stay-at-home-mommy.
ame'lia said she was thankful for love.
aisa'toa said he was thankful for markers and sissy.
... cute, huh.

we also made a list of things we can do in 2012 to bring more love into our home, our gifts to the savior.

regular temple attendance.
being more consistent with family and personal scripture study.
praying for opportunities to serve others more.
getting the little princess in our house on a better bedtime schedule. she tends to be a night owl.
"i want more markers," ... that was sincerely requested by little mr. aisa.

so today starts a new tradition in our home of putting the tree up the first fhe in november.
focusing more on giving thanks the whole season,
recognizing and acknowledging our blessings,
and adding to our decorating and holiday festivities week by week.
... each with a little lesson about the true reason for this season.

... and every week, even more thankful for "jesus in the little bed."

the weekend {nana}.

2011-11-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

nana, my mother, is in town. she flew in friday evening and flies out early in the morning, barely 24 hours but soo nice to have her here. she came just to spend a little time with us. i love that my mom will go to all the trouble to fly standby, get bumped, wait till the next flight to try again, just to come see us for a day. i always wish it was longer.

i had an activity at the church. the 8-12 year old girls put on a fashion show for their parents of pj bottoms that they made and then we had a waffle breakfast for them. i have such great counselors and primary leaders. everyone did a great job and the girls were soo cute modeling. after that, i spent the rest of the day with mom and the babies watching reruns of 48 hours.

mom brought aisa a beautiful letter for him to read when he gets older, a late birthday present. she told her life story in it. it was amazing and inspiring to read. i learned soo much about her, stuff i never knew. like how they wrote her off as dead when she was born - but she fought to breathe and while people were making her burial clothes, she took a breath and surprised everyone. she was a miracle baby. i also never knew she got a scholarship to usc and that she designed the compton high schools drill team uniform. it was fun to read and in my book, the best gift one could give. something i will always treasure.

tonight she was kissing the kids goodnight and getting her cuddles, reading them books in bed, and telling them that she loved them. ame'lia told her, "nana, no go bye bye. no go work." aisa'toa, who was glued to her all day and showering her with kisses and cuddles, wouldn't go to her. he kept saying, "no!" whenever we said she was going to go bye bye early in the morning when he was still asleep. in his world, if he doesn't agree to it, it simply cannot happen.

there's going to be two sad little monkeys tomorrow when they wake up bright and early.
hoping manny pacquiao wins the boxing match tonight too.
... otherwise, there will be two sad monkeys and one bummed out kiwi to deal with.

and church is at 9:00 am.

10 things i {heart} today.

2011-11-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

daily conversations with my lil' monkeys.

green apple lip moisturizer by Chapstik.

pinterest, aka the reason i cannot sleep.

chevron stripes.

being a stay-at-home mommy.

a month of thanksgivings.

costco's return policy.

chanel's paradoxal nail color.

primary children's neurosurgeons.

roasted yams.

a {mr. kiwi} funny.

2011-11-09T01:57:00.000-07:00

free printable above found here

last week i heard a crazy noise that sounded like an ax murderer in my basement. not that i know what that sounds like. let's just say it was a loud banging noise. the first time i dismissed it. the second time i was on the phone with my sister. we thought maybe someone jumped in one of our 10 ft. window wells, but i couldn't see anything. she told me to check outside but i told her i didn't want to be the dumb girl in the scary movies that goes outside and gets killed. after the third time, i started calling mr. kiwi at work.

over and over.
nonstop.
until finally he answered.
... works every time.

i told him that i was just letting him know that it sounded like someone was in the basement in case he came home later and found me dead. he said, "okay, well i just want you to know that you have been a wonderful wife and that you are such an amazing mother. i am going to really miss you. now, can i please go back to my client. i am in session."

he cracks me up. he is use to my dramatic fear that "someone is in the house" - followed by him waking from a deep sleep to check every closet and window at 2:00 am. i always hear noises and sees shadows - but my siblings will tell you that i have my reasons! i guess all the scary halloween shows/stories the past few weeks made me extra jumpy.

long story short... i lived.
still don't know what the noise was though.

10 | october {recap}.

2011-11-08T17:21:00.005-07:00

photo via

loves:
the leaves changed colors.
the cool but sunny weather.
eating apples from the local orchards.
the cute bag of costumes handed down from grandma kris.
aisa'toa always having a car in his hand.
ame'lia loves tinker bell and fairies with wings.
treats on the porch from grandma kaera.
aisa saying "yets go watch wugby daddy."
ame' saying "i neeeeed candy."
little pumpkins lined on my front porch.
cute gifts from grandparents for kiddos.
feeding the horses in our backyard.
when good things happen for people we love.
blessings from above.

memories:
found out aunty anga has a tumor on her brain. please keep her in your prayers.
winter spending a few days with us while kui was visiting.
primary sacrament program was beautiful. so lucky to be in primary.
ward halloween hoe-down put on by the primary [i am still primary pres]. sooo fun!
a two-week visit from mr. kiwi's mum, "kui" ... i miss her.
kids got pumpkins at pumpkin patch and hayride with grandma kris.
mr. kiwi's birthday. i can't remember what i got him now ... hmmm.
all blacks won the world cup!!! ... oh yeah, that was his present. :)
mr. kiwi said it was soo beautiful, he almost cried.
lots of play dates for babies with ah quins so mommy could run errands.
family visits instead of trick-or-treating on halloween.
pami and kana working in the haunted house... adorable.
first time the little monkey's really enjoyed halloween.

halloweening.

2011-11-08T12:14:00.007-07:00

bad pics again, sorry. but better than nothing i suppose.

hoping santa is bringing me a new phone or camera if i make the "nice" list.

grandma kris brought us a bag of the aunties' old costumes and the kiddos have been loving dressing up for playtime for the past couple weeks. aisa'toa is usually the tiger and ame'lia is usually the duck, accompanied with the cutest "grrrrrrr" and "quack quack" in my world. they usually do a costume change and aisa'toa turns into a cow and ame'lia a spider, equally as cute. did you know that spider's say "boo!" ... lol, well in this house they do!

the primary was in charge of the halloween party this year (every year) but this year we made it a ward halloween hoe-down, a cute idea from my adorable counselors and secretaries in primary. heather hired a professional square dance caller, we had costume contests for adults and kids, a chilli cook off, hay rides courtesy of lovely lori fano, and the annual trunk-or-treat, where my little ones were amazed to find out that if you walked around and said "trick or treat" people would give you candy. they still say it to me almost daily with their little hands held out. funny. the halloween party was great (thanks to all who came and participated). aisa was a tiger and ame'lia was suppose to be a witch (a cute costume given to her by grandma kaera for her birthday) - but she told everyone she was a "princess owl." she looked beautiful and aisa was adorable running around with his tail bobbing in the air.

we had enough candy from the trunk-or-treat so we didn't do any "treating" on halloween. i made malia's yummy corn beef recipe that was out of this world and a new family favorite around here - and then we went off to visit family. we took some of our dinner to my uncle salanoa, visited grandma kaera and grandpa glen and got to meet jessa's boyfriend. we ended the night at the ah quins and got treated to the neighborhood haunted house across the street, which actually was pretty scary. i especially enjoyed the guy with the chainsaw that kept screaming in my face and getting the blades caught on my hair. so long to the rule that they can't touch you! aunties pami and kana worked in it and they were ~~adorable~~, i mean scary! the haunted house was all at the hands of a 13-year-old boy's imagination. it was pretty impressive!

the kids ended the night asking "where's kai kai" a bazillion times and completely spent from a weekend of fun and sugar. they had a blast and we had a blast seeing them soo excited. here's to many, many more.

blog address {change}.

2011-11-08T01:20:00.001-07:00

howdy fellers. i probably should have done a post BEFORE i changed my blog address, but thought i should make a note here for those who wanted to know ... i changed my blog address ... lol! the old name was self explanatory when i started this blog but now it doesn't really fit anymore without an explanation. my address use to be thefuzzycaterpillar.blogspot.com and my spill was always that "i was a fuzzy caterpillar wiggling my way through this world trying to find my children." many of you have been with me along the way and watched as my little girl and little boy beautifully came into our lives. it was heavenly to experience. it is heavenly to live. thank you for being here.

it can be hard to find a blog address that isn't already taken and i have had no luck finding "butterfly chronicles" or anything close to it for that matter, even though i did buy the domain - although i've never figured out how to use it... lol. anywho - the new address is just part of this poem i wrote years ago, and part of the butterfly painting my sister did for me ... settleinthelight.blogspot.com ... and it was available!!! meant to be.

now that i have crossed that off my list, i have soo much catching up to do.

halloween
octobers recap.
the little guy's 2nd birthday.
parties.
ins and outs of life
the monkeys.
mr. kiwi.
grandparent visits.
november loves.
aunty anga.
and on and on...
and on and on.

my head is twirling just thinking bout it.
well, actually, the head twirling is because i'm drugged up with the flu.
i think the words of ms. scarlet o'hara say it best for now ...
i can't think about this now. i'll go crazy if i do. i'll think about it tomorrow.

ame's {bedtime} prayer.

2011-10-28T22:20:00.000-06:00

tonight the little miss said her bedtime prayer for the first time all by herself.

it went something like this, in her cute little voice.

dear heaven-we fauder.

dank ew daddy.

dank ew aisa.

dank ew ame'.

dank ew mommy.

dank ew oatmeal.

and iphone.

help me to keen up toys.

dank ew be good.

love desus cwyist

amen.

... and sweet aisa'toa said "amen" to that prayer the loudest, followed by a "good job, sissy!"

ruby river: {smoked salmon salad}.

2011-10-19T14:42:00.000-06:00

NOTE TO SELF: you need to re-create this yummy ruby river salad. it's not on their regular menu - it was a seasonal special. but holy moly! it was soo good it made my toes crinkle and eyebrows do the happy dance. it was made up of: romaine lettuce | artichoke hearts | smoked mozerella | tomato quarters | smoked salmon | ceasar dressing | fresh parmesan | cracked black pepper. it was the first thing i ate when i added a little bit of meat back into my diet, and it was delish - or maybe i was just overreacting to eating something nonvegan again! i really think it was the salad though.

"there's a party in my tummy. so yummy. so yummy."
yep, i've been watching sprout kids tv too much.
thank you, yo gabba gabba.

and for the record, can i just say {smoked mozerella} anyone?!!
shut the front door. yum.

... end of story.

the broken record {in my head}.

2011-10-18T14:20:00.001-06:00

do you have things that play over and over in your heard when you aren't really thinking - or trying not to think about anything. i just need my head to be quiet for a little while. here's what my record has been saying:

i'm stressed out.
push through it.
god doesn't say we have to run faster than we are able. we just need to run.
be kind. everyone is fighting their own battle.
my toenails look disgusting.
someone is always worse off than you.
how lucky am i - that he picked me.
quit being negative.
say a prayer.
i waited a long time to be their mommy and they waited a long time for me.
it was worth the wait.
i feel joyful - even in the most stressful times - because of my beautiful little family.
they are little monkeys.
ohhhh, i love them.
i hate money.
why do we need money.
who invented money.bad invention.
i hate money.
i need a nap.

... over, and over, and over again.
silly little head.

photo credit

just {playing catch up}.

2011-10-15T23:57:00.000-06:00

no pic on this post. sorry. i am too tired to upload any from my phone. it is almost midnight and we have a busy sunday tomorrow that starts bright and early. i should be sleeping but my brain is going a mile a minute and i just want to dump some of it on my little blog before i forget. this past week flew by in a flash and i wasn't able to get in a single post. i hate when that happens!

mr. kiwi's mother is here visiting from new zealand. he has a sister and brother that live in the area so she has been splitting her time up between the three of them. when she was here, a + a were in heaven! she loved on them and dotted on them day and night. she's off visiting his sister's family right now but will be back on monday. we have loved spending time with her.

the primary program is tomorrow morning. we had practice today and the kids did soo good. we have over 100 kids in our primary and bless their little hearts for trying to be soo reverent during the long 2-hour practice today. it will be a beautiful program in the morning. they have done a wonderful job. we have an amazing music leader who gives 110% to every single thing she does. we have been lucky to have her. if someone broke in my garage tonight and stole my car, they would also be taking off with 288 cookies in the backseat. the primary kids earned this by reading scriptures with their families and bringing their scriptures to primary. they earned those 288 cookies chocolate chip by chocolate chip - and they filled a whole mason jar. i love serving in primary.

the kids are talking up a storm. every day i am amazed as i listen to them talk to each other or ask me questions. where did all of these words come from??!! they are soo excited to learn and show off what they have learned. here's a few funnies from this week that i didn't want to forget:

the little miss saying "abc[dot]com." - don't know where she got it but it cracks me up every time.
i freaked out because a car came at me in the wrong lane on state street the other day - and if i wouldn't have been watching - would have hit us head on. i screamed something and ame' said, "no be crazy mommy. be nice."
the little guy has a thing for socks and shoes. he always wants socks on his feet so that he can take them off. and if you leave your shoes lying around our house, he will most likely pick them up and carry them to the coat closet in the entryway.
we have funny verses to "if you are happy and you know it" and we all laugh when we sing it.
grandma kris and all the little aunties have been soo amazing (as usual) entertaining the kids while i have had other things to get done. soo much so that when i go to pick them up, aisa'toa won't even look at me because he doesn't want me to tell him we have to go - and ame'lia almost always cries because she doesn't want to leave "gama kiss." i love that they love them soo much.
stephy found out she is having a little boy in march!
the all blacks are doing good in the world cup but mr. kiwi is pretty nervous about the semifinal game in a few hours at 2:00 am. he has to go to his buddy's house to watch it "so that they can support each other in this very stressful and important time."
the babies {i know i need to stop calling them that - but i just can't!} think it's all fun at the park when they are chasing the ducks - but when the ducks turn around and start chasing them - that's another story.
kui {maori word for grandmother} said that when she took the kiddos to the park and they were on the swings, that aisa'toa would yell at everyone who tried to get on the slide and tell them, "that's ame's slide."
kui calls aisa'toa "darling" and he corrects her and says, "no, i'm aisa."
thinking of our sweet friends, the moeai family, right now while they mourn the loss of their grandmother who was a good friend of my grandmother's when she was alive too. we love you guys! have a safe trip to hawaii.

okay, the eyeballs are starting to close now.
... and with that, i say "goodnight."

friday night {at home}.

2011-10-07T12:30:00.000-06:00

we have a busy weekend ahead so we are spending today as a family when daddy gets home from his conference ... always a treasured treat. this morning the kids and i practiced our counting with cheerios, made circle and triangle cut-out sandwiches for lunch to practice our shapes, and owl puppets for project time. we practiced counting the owls feathers aka the kids hand print cutouts. they are pretty good at counting to 15 by themselves, especially ame'lia who always helps aisa'toa along. pretty cute. tonight we will be watching a movie in the toy room while we munch on some homemade goodies and nestle in a mountain of pillows in our pjs. i usually spend friday afternoons cleaning my house but woke up to an immaculate surprise. mr. kiwi says cleaning the house before bed is his job, so long as i keep cooking dinner. lol. geesh, i'm a slacker wife, huh. he is a keeper.

ps: i am loving this fall weather! i am feeling the urge to bake.
pumpkin chocolate chip cookies anyone?

... hope you have a delightful weekend.

09 | september {recap}.

2011-10-03T00:02:00.000-06:00

loves:
the last day of summer because FALL is finally here - my absolute favorite time of year.
lots and lots of talking by the little monkeys. they can carry on full conversation now.
found out aunty steph + uncle jake's good news ... there will be a new addition next spring!!!
leaves turning colors on the mountains.
spontaneous moments where the monkeys hug and kiss on each other.
"i love yous."
watching rugby.
good tv shows back on.
every morning aisa says, "how are you? good!" he doesn't give you a chance to answer.

memories:
fun visit from aunty nani from college in hawaii.
weekend trip to ruppert, idaho for steph's (my bff) father's funeral...what a great man.
nana spent 3 days in the hospital in missouri and scared us - but so very thankful she is okay.
totally forgot grandparents day. i know - WOW. i stink.
ame's new obsession is "skip rope" which really means any cord in sight is not safe from being a jump rope.
aisa's new obsession is drawing. he always wants a "pen" and tablet in his hand.
when 'dancing with the stars' comes on - the kids start dancing around, kicking, and doing flips.
when i say "no" to the little miss, she says, "okay, okay. tink about it."
the kids picking jesus out in pictures during family home evening like he is a long lost friend.
lots of playing dress up and little boys wearing tutu skirts.
riding bikes in the cul-de-sac.
aunty lika gave each of the kids their own bike helmets.
aisa screaming nonstop to the airport, "i eat food." "eat food NOW!" "mommy, mommy, mommy!"
ame screaming nonstop to the airport, "aisa! stop it!" "aisa, too loud!" "mommy, aisa no-no!"

note to self:
no more trips with the kids alone to the airport. take back up. :)

conference weekend.

2011-10-02T23:42:00.001-06:00

photo source: unknown

not only did we have a great weekend because of our trip up the canyon and being with nana + papa, but it was awesome because of general conference. i love conference time. i've said it before and i will say it again, i loved serving a mission on temple square and i love that twice a year i get to fall in love with that hallowed piece of ground all over again. it is a special place. there is no denying that. i met thousands of people from all over the world who were not members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but that felt the special spirit there all the same. some came thousands of miles. others saved all their lives to travel to america and that was one of the places they wanted to see. i love temple square. it truly is a special place.

photo source: unknown

i look forward to general conference because i love to hear the words of our dear prophet of god and all of the other inspired church leaders. picking a favorite talk for me would be like picking my favorite kid. i could never choose.

some of my notes from this weekend included:

sister dalton: the importance of father's in the lives of their daughters (story of abish)

president eyring: priesthood preparedness.

elder cook: it is better to look up when we need help.

elder cornish: prayer is one of the most precious gifts of god. he knows each of us and loves us - all of us.

president monson: funny personality was cute when he was telling his stories

living your life to do the father's will, not your own

elder andersen: we don't have children because we have time - but that is what we have been given time for.

scriptures, scriptures, scriptures, scriptures

elder arden: time management.we must devote our time to the things that matter most.

living a life of service. helping others be self-reliant.

me: true christ-like service is quite, unnoticed, acts of love.

elder cook: connections to members of the church on the titanic

that this is the church of jesus christ

a lot of families have traditions that go with conference weekend. i just wanted to include a few of ours.

some of our family's conference traditions- new and old:

rootbeer floats between sunday morning sessions

writing things that impressed me from each talk in my journal so i always have it

pancake breakfast saturday morning

breakfast casserole sunday morning for breakfast

family council before bed after sunday conference

make treats for neighbors after sunday conference

conference bingo with m&ms

kid conference packets with coloring pages for the little monkeys

i am thinking we should add "going to the cabin for conference" as one of our new traditions next year.

i am thankful for a living prophet. i am thankful for my testimony of jesus christ and the knowledge that i have that god lives and loves each of us, all of us. i am thankful for a heavenly father who knows us by name, who loves us, who wants the best for us, who blesses us continually, and who strengthens us through our trials. i am thankful that he is always there, all we have to do is remember to "look up."

i am so grateful for the bible and the book of mormon. they are the word of god. they support one another, they testify of each other. they testify of god. i have found soo many answers to my life's questions and struggles in the scriptures. i even have tear stains on some of the pages, a treasured memory of the power of prayer and the answers i received.

i am thankful for the perfect example of service that the savior taught us by the way he lived his life and the way he served others. service and love truly have no boundaries. they cross all borders, all faiths, all people. there is no room for pride. there is only room to love and serve others as the savior did, to be good to our families, our friends, to live an honorable life, trying our best to be our best, and to share our gifts with the world. what a different world this would be if we all followed his example. i know he lives. i know he loves us. i know he wants us to be happy. i know he gave his life for you and me.

what a gift.

what an honor.

what a blessing.

how very ~~lucky~~ loved are we.

{our day} in the mountains.

2011-10-02T21:38:00.001-06:00

we had such a great weekend with nana + papa. every time we go down, the little monkeys fall more in love with it. they did not want to leave. and now that we are back home they keep saying, "cabin! peeeeasssee!" lol. we had a great time. i love the country. i grew up in the country and it always makes me feel like i am back home. i flashed a few pics while we were driving with the good ole' blackberry that is still hanging on by a thread. (((thank you)))

it was the perfect time to take a fall drive while the colors are changing. if you haven't gone yet, get going! the aspens haven't quite turned and the maples haven't gone red yet - so the prettiest time is just around the corner. we went up fairview canyon. i love that canyon because of all of the little lakes. we are hoping to get a camping trip in before winter comes and found the perfect spot by the lake. ame'lia + aisa'toa kept throwing their hands in the air yelling "HAPPY!!!" haha. they had a blast and i had a "happy" migraine by the end of the drive. :) we stopped and had a picnic on the back of the truck at huntington reservoir and saw where they dug up the big mammoth back in 1988. pretty amazing. they didn't realize mammoth's could be at that high elevation, so it was quite a surprise. it was discovered when they were rebuilding the dam and someone brought up what turned out to be a huge bone. they said the ground acted like a refrigerator and preserved the body perfectly and that you could actually smell the rotting flesh from over 10,000 years before. wowsers.

there is also a museum in one of the little towns when you come out of the canyon that has a life-size replica of the mammoth. it is just over 2 stories high from feet to tusk. the museum also has a lot of cool antiques, rocks and other minerals found in the ground, sculptures, and a lot of paintings - old and modern. they have quite a nice collection.

they also had quite a collection of maori arts and artifacts... which was really quite surprising to find in a little country town. so even though mr. kiwi didn't make this trip, he was there in spirit!

we had a wonderful time with my parents and are looking forward to going back to the cabin in a few weeks.

thanks mom + dad for the visit.
we love you!

{weekend} at the cabin.

2011-09-30T22:29:00.001-06:00

we are spending a weekend at the cabin with nana + papa. we are missing daddy with us but we are having a great time! looking forward to spending some time in the mountains tomorrow and some one-on-one time with nana + papa. happy weekend everyone!

"good night, daddy! we love you!"
... silly faces, hugs, and kisses from all of us.
... wish you were here.

{dinosaur} crayon melts.

2011-09-30T13:12:00.000-06:00

this summer we did A LOT of projects. soo many that now, almost every day, the little miss says, "mommy, yet's do project."

okay, sweetheart.
"`yet's do."

one of their favorites was making crayon melts. i saw these cute dinosaur crayons on marta's blog that she found for sale at an etsy store. i searched the web for dinosaur molds and found it! it is a chocolate silicone mold and they are really cute. i would say the dinosaurs are more for playing with than coloring. the kids use them like we use to use army men. they put them up and then knock them over.

they are really cute. i found the chocolate molds on amazon.com here. i used them the same way you would use chocolates, just used crayons instead.

as my little monkey's would say, "cool dude."

i {heart} rugby.

2011-09-24T03:23:00.000-06:00

did you know the rugby world cup is going on right now? i love rugby. i could do a whole 10 things i heart list just on the fancy shmancy sport. i have to say it is one of the best things mr. kiwi introduced me to in our little life together. it is 3:00 am right now ... rugby is serious business in this house. we don't record games on the dvr and watch them later. we record games and watch them live - no matter what time it is. no matter if mr. kiwi has to get up in a few hours to see one of his therapy appointments before he spends the rest of saturday at a conference. yup, that kind of serious. i don't need to tell you what team we are rooting for. it's probably pretty clear being that mr. kiwi is a kiwi from new zealand. if you have never watched rugby - give it a try. every all blacks game starts with a traditional haka, a maori war chant. it's the perfect sport and the best part in my book - it is 80 minutes long. period. it rarely ever goes over that. no 3-hour football games that drag on forever.

... heaven.

our autumn {to-do list}.

2011-09-23T15:38:00.000-06:00

visit the pumpkin patch.
paint pumpkins for the porch.
take a hayride.
mountain canyon drives to look at the leaves.
fall hikes and picnics with daddy.
pick apples at a local orchard.
make grandma lewman's apple crisp.
church trunk-or-treat party.
monkey's go trick-or-treating.
hand out candy at the door.
celebrate mr. kiwi's birthday.
celebrate the little guy's 2nd birthday.
make our 2011 gratitude list.
learn to bake bread.
spend cozy weekends at the cabin.
watch general conference.
new zealand boys conference get-together.
visit temple square.
chat around a bonfire at the cabin.
decorate the house.
get out fuzzy socks.
wear cute scarves.
hang a fall wreath on my door.
take more morning and evening walks at the park.
host a fall potluck.
watch football and rugby games.
cheer for green bay ... gooooo vic!!!
make homemade soup weekly.
make a fall wreath.
take christmas card pictures.
make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.
put big baskets of mums or fall flowers on each side of the porch.
have kids make handprint turkeys.
knit the kiddos scarves.
make a fall garland.
make halloween treats for family.

... i will be back to add more. just wanted to get started!! :)

08 | august {recap}.

2011-09-22T11:51:00.001-06:00

loves:
purple flowers.
the little miss is officially a singer, her favorite past time.
the little man carries 2 "blankies" around. he got attached to one of ame's and tries to have both in tow.
the kids telling me or mr. kiwi that we need a timeout.
back-to-school sales.
sprout tv.
evening talks with mr. kiwi in the rocking chairs on the front porch.
watching the kiddos "ride" their bikes in the driveway.
mosquito repellent.
ame'lia always telling me, "okay, okay. take a hour."
watching the babies wait patiently in the window {hours early} for grandma. they can do that but they can't sit quietly in church? ha ha.

memories:
the little miss turned 2 years old.
unexpected amazing birthday party at grandma + grandpa ah quins.
ame's dora cake by grandma kris + aunty anga's yellow doll cake just for ame'.
lots of dress-up outfits for the kiddos to play with.
lika in her pink tutu doing head stands.
talking to nani in hawaii via skype.
made dinosaur crayon melts from chocolate molds.
visit from papa for ame's birthday.
visits from grandma kaera + grandpa glen for ame's birthday with lots of goodies for the kiddos.
started monthly package exchange with amanda. :)
kids spending more time in the playroom than attached to my hip.
aisa started singing 'abc song', kind of. "abc, abc, abc. now i know my. now i know my."
aisa loves wearing his sister's tutus.
aisa's new favorite word is "what!?!?!"
mr. kiwi and i wanting to go back to st. george on another mini-vacay really bad.
kids singing "i love to see the temple" and "i am a child of god."
ame' crying with head in hand after blowing out her birthday candles...soo dramatic. soo adorable.

said a little prayer {for you}.

2011-09-21T15:35:00.002-06:00

(((tear))). my mom is in the hospital in missouri and i am going a little crazy that i can't be sitting next to her bed like my sisters are right now. she has been in since last night and if everything turns out okay will be able to go home tomorrow. i feel like i have been holding my breath all day, waiting for the next phone call or text message. they are running test after test - blood work, echocardiograms, heart caths, and on and on. i have been bursting into tears all day. when i first got the call this morning i hung up and got right down on my knees to pray. ame'lia was next to me and folded her arms too. when we said "amen" she kissed me on my cheek and just laid her head against mine. nana is on our minds today. i love you, mom.

UPDATE: Mom is doing good and will probably get to go home today. Doctor's are going to keep watching her closely but most of the tests came back okay so far. Thanks for all the emails, texts, and messages. I was soo touched. I blogged just to document Ame's cute little actions after the prayer and to remember the day. I didn't expect such an outpouring of love. Thanks everyone! ♥

a {funeral} in idaho.

2011-09-18T01:36:00.002-06:00

hello. we are in idaho for the weekend. my bff's father passed away and our little family came up for the funeral. it was such a beautiful service. i know people always say that - but this one really moved me. he was a great, great, great man and the funeral service was beautiful as we heard story after story about his life and the sweet ways he taught his family through his example. i left feeling uplifted and with an increased love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. his example made me feel like i could go off into the world and be a better person = a better human being - because i was there, and because he was here. people came from all over for his funeral. he was one of the good ones who did more than talk the talk - he walked the walk. he was always in the service of god. they said even when his alzheimer's got really bad and he couldn't remember much, he always remembered to stop and pray and give thanks. and steph's mom, what an amazing lady. i watched her through most of the funeral. she took such great care of him.

i have spent most of the day thinking about all the neat stories we heard about him and how i can do better in my own life. everyone is sleeping (it is 1:30 am) but i just had to take a little second to blog my thoughts about today. i am soo thankful we got to make this trip and spend some time with "aunty steph, uncle jake, and lusia." steph and i have been best friends since college. she is my sister. just a few weeks before jake buried his father as well. their little family has been through soo much in such a short period of time. they are great examples of strength to us. here's a few pics aunty steph captured at the funeral.

how thankful we are that families can be together forever.
... we love you eames & langi families.

just {stuff}.

2011-09-07T01:30:00.002-06:00

[ photo credit ]

at this moment [ 1:30 am ]:

finally almost finished distributing primary program parts for the 150ish kiddos in our church ward.
getting ready for cub scout pack night tomorrow.
trying to muster up the know-how to get serious about potty training or spend another 50 buckaroos on diapers this week.
kissing the little sleeping girl's cheek who is squashed up next to me.
my brain's running to-do list to finish the play room.
learning to live on a really tight budget. ramen anyone? come on over.
crossing my fingers that we don't skip fall again this year.
incorporating a new charting, billing, and dictation system for mr. kiwi's private practice.
still trying to learn about the new business and figuring out how to fit it all in.
loving the new neighbors that moved in next door.
missing my sisters. a lot, a lot.
listening to the little guy cough in his bed. my babies have colds again.
trying to make do with my wretched blackberry until november - and then hello, iphone.
enjoying listening to the little people talk more and more.
thankful for really great counselors and secretaries (past and present) whom i love.
still itching at the thought of having an earwig crawling on me earlier. ewwww, gross.
remembering what mr. kiwi said earlier tonight when the kids were at the byu-hawaii vs. byu utah game with grandma + grandpa ah quin (and all the aunties of course). "can you imagine our lives without our kids. i would be soo depressed."

soo true.
soo very true.

... and mostly, feeling thankful for it all, my trials and my many, many blessings.

i love this quote by Elder Wirthlin: "Come what may, and love it."

finding {joy}.

2011-09-01T08:48:00.001-06:00

i find joy in a friend's good news.
i find joy in a nice hot bath.
i find joy in making lists.
i find joy in true friendships.
i find joy in the most unexpected places, like the stoplight with the kid in the next car doing blow fish faces.
i find joy in a friendly furniture salesman.
i find joy in watching my husband pretend he is in special forces on his xbox.
i find joy in watching my children sleep, and pray, and laugh, and breathe.
i find joy in being alive.
i find joy in watching the monkeys sing 'abc' while they pound on the piano.
i find joy in thoughtful little packages from miss. amanda, aka the cutest girl in the whole.wide.world.
i find joy in air conditioned spaces.
i find joy in watching the scale go down.
i find joy in documenting everyday life for my family.
i find joy in slurpees.
i find joy in little people with big pure hearts.
i find joy in forgiveness.
i find joy in giving love.

happy birthday: {little miss ☼}.

2011-08-31T00:33:00.003-06:00

this is our song right now. you and me in your room, twirling and singing before bedtime every night, in the prettiest room in the house. you sing "sunshine" to me and i give you kisses. it's magic. it is soo hard to believe you are two today - i have cherished every.single.day. every day with you is a joy, watching you learn, watching you grow, watching you become a little lady full of joy.

your favorite thing to do right now is to sing and dance. you love music! your favorite songs to sing right now are "ABC," "i love to see the temple," "i am a child of god," and "do as i'm doing" - all of which you sing ... sometimes at very high pitches. it's amazing the things you can do. you have such a great memory and love to learn. you are always asking mommy + daddy "what's this?" you also love to run, throw balls, watch "nemo", play/love/bite/tease your brother. you really are such a sweet little girl. you constantly give us hugs and kisses for no reason at all.

you love on your brother and teach him to do things. today you both sat in the hallway while you "read" him a book - and he patiently and intently listened. you are the best of buddies. heavenly little friends. neither of you last too long before you ask where the other one is. you go together like peanut butter and jelly. my little spirit twins.

we waited a long time for our special little angel girl to come - and you have been such a blessing to our lives. mommy + daddy love you more than words could ever express. thank you for bringing soo much joy and sunshine into our lives.

... we know that is what you will bring to the world as well.

i love you to the moon and back {and then some more},

- forever yours, mommy

quote wall: {reality check}.

2011-08-30T23:45:00.000-06:00

image via

... 'nuff said.

cute and not-so-cute {moments}.

2011-08-26T22:25:00.000-06:00

they still love this movie. and every.single.time ame'lia is in distress when she watches nemo get taken by the fisherman. i just wanted to remember that. :)

so - what is this flu | bug | cold going around? this is my 2nd time getting it in the last month and a half. and the achy body and cough lasts for-evvvv-errrrr, a horrible yucky sounding cough. every time i cough the little miss says, "you okay?" and pats my back. adorable. she has turned daddy's heart into a melty puddle. i heard him say today, "you want a pony for your birthday next week? you got it girlee. ... whatever you want is yours. the stars, the moon, a trip to new zealand."

we actually did ask her what she wants for her birthday by asking her today what her favorite thing is.
she said, "aisa."

... and now my heart is a melty glob as well.

when daddy tucked aisa'toa into bed tonight, he said he couldn't shut the door because the little monkeys wouldn't stop blowing each other kisses and telling the other one they loved them. cute.

these are the moments i remember when the not-so-cute stuff happens.
... like how aisa colored my couch today with markers. :)

change: i was {but now}.

2011-08-18T13:02:00.001-06:00

[ photo credit ]

i was a facebook hater and deleted my account but now i share an account with mr. kiwi. turns out it is a great business tool to get the word out on our new company .. Redwood Therapy and Youth Services, LLC. if you have ever been interested in changing the life of a child and having a proctor or foster child in your home, let me know. we are training families right now. it is a great opportunity and we have some great families.

i was obsessed with only eating a vegan diet but now i am not. i still eat about 80% vegan, but it is not my highest priority. it helped me get more veggies in our diet, bring down my blood sugars, get more energy and feel better. but i have settled in the area of focusing on whole foods (nonprocessed, real food). i really just hate having a label. i learned i don't need to be extreme but i did need to open my eyes as to where our food comes from and there are some foods i will never eat again because of what i learned. turns out i have 2 organic farmers literally a block from my house. i would never have noticed that before if i hadn't researched for organic farms. crazy.

i was scared of swimming in public but now i am not (as much). we went to st. george for a mini vacation in june and had a great time. we spent most of the time at the pool. swimming use to be my favorite thing. we even grew up with a pool. i was never a tiny girl - but i loved to swim. then when the pounds came on - the thought of getting in a pool freaked me out. but i finally did it! i am thankful that it's not weird to wear shorts in the pool and that tankini tops are cool and cute. made it a lot easier to get in after 10 years. can't wait to go again! at the end of the day, the world didn't break in two and no one threw spitballs at me or laughed. i actually made some nice new friends that made chilling by the pool lots of fun. reminds me of that quote by eleanor roosevelt: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

crazy + love = {home}.

2011-08-13T04:31:00.000-06:00

first of all, my phone is hanging on by a string, as you can tell from the fuzzy pictures. thanks to a recent swim with the babies, it is on its last leg - which is why i haven't taken / posted many pictures as of late.

anywho -
... on with the show.

so i promise i am not saying this to try to sound "awesome." actually, i am quite sure many will think i am crazy or out of touch for sure. but truth be told, if i had the option, i would be happy doing nothing else besides being a mom. i absolutely get that it is hard, repetitive, and can make you lose your mind if you don't take time out for yourself. i would say at least one time a day i call my sister or husband for that very reason. many times a week you will hear me say, "i feel sorry for nadia suleman - how the heck does she do it!" it's hard. i get it. but it is definitely my happy place.

i seem to get overwhlemed when too much outside-of-the-home stuff starts beating down the walls of the inside-of-the-house stuff. i just don't want to miss this. i waited too long and prayed soo hard for these exact moments and to me nothing is more important than me being here for them. i know it is ridiculous to think that one could be a mommy and shut the world out when one wants to, and i am pretty sure that is not a good thing across the board, but if i had a super power - selfishly, that is what it would be. and just so it is clear that i am quite aware that it is not "easy" here is a little peek at what the monkeys were up to on a normal friday afternoon. we definitely don't sit around eating bon bons and watching soap operas in this house...lol.

it is definitely not an easy job.
...but definitely, sooo worth it.

♥ woke up and mr. kiwi was already gone to work but i had two monkeys who had found their way to my bed. one was - sorry for the crudeness - "tooting" on purpose, while the other was laughing hysterically. guess which was which? nice way to wake up...lol!
♥ the little monkeys decorated daddy's big ole' loves it more than me (j/k) fancy flat screen tv with stickers. gasp!!! thankfully they came right off.
♥ babies had another bath this morning because yesterday the little miss "styled" their hair with aquaphor aka medicated vaseline. hard to get that stuff out.
♥ while i was doing the laundry heard aisa'toa say "sissy yook." then heard ame'lia laugh and say "aisa! aisa! my turn." i turned around - one was peeing on the floor, and one had started peeing in the bathtub. lots of fun!!! hello 9:00 am, and welcome to bath number 3.
♥ went into the toy room to check on the kiddos, the little guy turned to me and said, "mommy, you go. right now!" i had said the exact same thing to him earlier when he was pulling all my organized papers out of the filing cabinet.
♥ the little miss thinks that when she cries "gumpa" or "anga" that if she opens the front door, they will magically appear. the little miss and mister bang on the door screaming and they are both tearfully disappointed when it does not turn out in their favor.
♥ there is a baby powder trail in the formal living room that goes in the office, around the kitchen, and then slams into the fireplace glass screen - from the babies tag teaming and running circles around me while pouring the powder every where. when i finally caught them, they threw it at the fireplace and a nice puffy white cloud filled the air.
♥ aisa has a thing for taking things off. he can't stand to see a toy box full of toys - he has to pull them out; clothes in a basket, he has to take them out; water in the bathtub; he has to pour it out; keys on a laptop, he has to pull them off. i am currently missing 5 keys to my prized laptop - 2 of which he did today. i love him, i love him, i love him ... haha.
♥ i always count crayons when i give it to them for project time. i searched for almost 30 minutes trying to find the blue and green crayon. i found pieces of it 2 hours later... in the little guys diaper. 'nuff said.
♥ babies screaming and jumping and running around like they just ate a cup of sugar because daddy came home from work. one of my favorite times of day to witness as they run and leap into his arms.
♥ at the end of the day there were: 3 baby baths, 1 baby bite, 2 baby fights, 2 baby makeups, 1.5 naps, one 45-minute tantrum, 2 puddles of orange juice, 2 more keys broken off my laptop, 1 puddle of pee, 4 stinky diapers, 1 baby bruise, about 40 hugs and kisses, and 1 happy but tired mommy.

there was nothing special or out of the ordinary today,
- except for them.
they make my everyday "special."

... sprinkled with a whole lot of crazy too.

finding {joy}.

2011-08-07T23:07:00.001-06:00

i find joy in the evening breeze.
i find joy in listening to the little miss tell the moon goodnight.
i find joy in being on my laptop while mr. kiwi is next to me on his.
i find joy in admitting my weaknesses.
i find joy in humility.
i find joy in freshly cut grass.
i find joy in watching my children learn and grow.
i find joy in the gospel.
i find joy in my little guy's smile.
i find joy in watching friends and families dreams come true.
i find joy in being real.
i find joy in fresh cut flowers.
i find joy in family time.
i find joy in listening to the little miss sing when she thinks no one is looking.
i find joy in the way the little guy thinks his sister hung the moon.
i find joy in my little people's laughter.
i find joy in recess peanut butter cups.
i find joy in my husband's humor.
i find joy in my son's obsession with picking his nose.
i find joy in my daughter's big brown eyes.
i find joy in my savior's love.

quote wall: {faith}.

2011-08-07T06:54:00.000-06:00

my {quick fix} to doing it all.

2011-08-06T13:50:00.004-06:00

no, this is not an infomercial. ha ha.
but it is still amazing.

the past few months, especially the past few weeks, have been crazy with a capital CRAZY. i actually had to stop looking at my to-do list because the to-dos started to become to overwhelming. it's not just one area. it is every single area in my life. from primary, to business things, to family, to personal goals, to the crazy neighbors next door, to the rude lady who supposedly is a customer service rep, to locking my kids in the car and having to call the police yesterday, to falling on the sidewalk because i tripped over my own feet. you get the picture.

one.thing.after.another.

yesterday while trying to make dinner for mr. kiwi {because i had neglected making meals all week} with two babies screaming at my feet and deadline upon deadline inching closer, i just had it. i stretched my arms out on the kitchen counter, put my head down, and started to cry. "i am soo sorry. i just can't do this. i can't do everything. i need help." that was my humble confession to my heavenly father.

my spirit felt broken, beat up. i guess my kids realized mommy had had it because they both immediately stopped screaming. ame' looked at me with a very take charge look as if to say, "don't worry mommy. i got this." she then pulled aisa by the hand and ran to the garage where daddy was working on the lawn and said, "daddy, mommy crying. come, come." cute as that was, it just made me cry more. my sweet little girl was watching her mommy breakdown and was trying everything she could to help. mr. kiwi came in and assured me everything would be okay and that yes i have a lot on my plate but that everything would work out. thank heaven for sweet little children and comforting husbands.

this morning i woke up to head to the church for the stake primary baptisms. five of our cute little primary kids got baptized today. i told mr. kiwi i needed a blessing. in the blessing the thing that stood out was that my heavenly father was mindful of me and that he wanted me to know that as i serve others, my family, the primary, my friends, etc., that my heart will be blessed. i am soo thankful for having the priesthood in my life.

i headed off to the primary baptisms. it was a beautiful morning that went until almost noon. it was a looong day but the spirit was soo strong. one of the musical numbers was the song "With God Nothing Is Impossible." at that point, i couldn't hold the tears back as i listened to the words. i immediately thought back to when i was 15 and my mom sang that song at a relief society thing. it was such a pretty song and we would often sing it in the car driving home. i just listened to the words, like they were meant for me. because they were. it was as if no one else was there, and heavenly father wanted me to hear that loud and clear. all the sudden i knew what my answer was.

it was this.
yes, you have a lot going on. but with god, nothing is impossible. the blind man could see, the lame man could walk. not just because the savior told them they could - but because they had faith and because they believed him.

so now my blindness is healed.
the blindness of not being able to see my way out of the enormous pile of things needing to be done.

and my lameness is healed too.
the lameness because i was a lame-o this week. ha ha, just kidding.
it is because i can walk through anything, anything, with god.

and most importantly, my heart is healed.
serving others and remembering to reach out to my heavenly father always, ALWAYS, blesses my heart and fills my cup.

"to-do" lists are for the birds. what really counts is the "should-do" list:

i should pray more.
i should study the scriptures more.
i should remember to be thankful more.
i should be nicer to my husband a lot more. :)

and the moment i learned that lesson again today, is the moment my heart opened up wide enough to have enough inside myself to do all those things that i really need to do.

i came home from the baptism to find the ah quins, who had taken the babies earlier in the morning so that i could tend to the baptism, mowing my lawn.
followed by the mays knocking on my door with a pizza in hand and cute little goodies for the babies.

i never told anyone i was struggling and might need a little help.
but god did.
he always does.

... thank you, heavenly father.
... and thank you to the little angels who listened.

07 | july {recap}.

2011-08-04T16:30:00.001-06:00

loves:
fresh fruit from the orchards in our neighborhood.
the farmers market.
sitting by the {baby} pool while the kiddos splash around.
having a backyard with pretty grass to lay and play in.
aunty anga back from hawaii.
the babies in swimsuits.
firework shows across the valley that we watched from our backyard.
baby day outs with grandma kris + grandpa toshi + and ah quin aunties.
the chaffin family's yummy gift on our doorstep {homemade bread and strawberry jam}.
living right across the street from the best park ever.e.v.e.r.
homemade cookies from grandma kaera.
horses at our fence every morning, they do their part to keep the grass mowed.
babies talking, waving, and blowing kisses to horses while they play. see ame' waving in the pics.

memories:
babies' first mini firework show by daddy with nana + papa.
vic off to greenbay. go packers!
ame'lia singing the abc song, i love to see the temple, popcorn song, and ring around the rosies by herself.
aisa'toa counting: 1, 9. 1, 9. 1, 9. jump!!! apparently numbers and jumping go hand in hand.
~~killing flowers by watering too much.~~ ~~killing flowers by not watering enough.~~ killing flowers - ugh.
picnic at the park with nana and playing in the fountains.
aisa gaining his confidence and independence: "go way mommy. i do it. dank you"
ame'lia patting her pillow for me to put my head down: "go sleep mommy. i yuv you."
three visits from nana + papa in one month.
grandma liz celebrated her 90th birthday.
fun mini-outings with daddy.

bye bye, toothbrush.

2011-08-02T00:15:00.001-06:00

i'm kind of a germ phob. ok, not kind of ... i am. every place we have lived, i always want to know what the bathroom looks like first. i don't keep our toothbrushes on the counter in those cute little toothbrush holders because i saw on the today show once where they said toothbrushes have fecal matter on them because of that very reason. i will pause while you throw up. ok, moving on.

i also am a bit of a control freak when people flush a toilet. the lid must be down. my poor husband is use to me yelling at him in the middle of the night saying, "did you put the lid down! come on dude!" i know, i know. chill out, rachelle.

the little man looovvves to play in the toilet. he likes to sneak in, stick his hands in, dip his toys in, try to drink from it. grody, huh! so it's a rule in our house to keep the bathroom doors closed and never ever leave him alone by a bathroom door. he use to scoot chairs over to the door just to open it. now he is tall enough to open it himself. i am always on the watch for that.

now that i have set the scene and you know that i am crazy grossed out by bathrooms, you will fully understand and be able to react in a similar manner when i tell you this.

the other night i was going through my usual bedtime routine when the little miss appeared with my toothbrush. she was brushing her teeth with it which made me cringe. everyone's mouth germs belong on their own toothbrushes in my book. i told her to please go put it back in the drawer and that was mommy's toothbrush. i thought i had heard some water swishing one of the times she came out, but thought for a second and realized she couldn't reach the sink and the tub wasn't on. she put my toothbrush back and i kept getting ready for bed.

as i was putting my pjs on - i gasped in horror at the thought ... did she dip my toothbrush in the toilet? did she put the toilet toothbrush in her mouth? i ran into my master bathroom and the door to the toilet/shower was open. i cringed. i reached in the drawer, felt the bristles, and it was drenched. saliva alone could not do that. so i called the little miss into the room and asked her how she brushed her teeth. where did she get the wa-wa from? she casually walked to the toilet/shower door, opened it, pointed to the water in the stool and then used her finger to act like she was brushing her teeth.

ummm, eww.

when i finally came to i hurried and picked her up, disinfected her hands, told her 100 times that the toilet is very dirty and she is never ever to touch the water, threw the toothbrushes away, and then washed her mouth and made her drink and spit water. she thought we were playing a game. she went off to bed and i kept going to my bathroom to gargle with more mouthwash hoping to burn away any germs that ever were on my toothbrush. i cringe now as i think of it.

the thing i still can't get over...
how long do you think they have been dipping my toothbrush in the toilet?

...ugh.
toddler mommies- lock up your toothbrushes.

ice cream party {in a box}.

2011-08-01T00:27:00.000-06:00

happy birthday "trusty!"

today is my baby sister's birthday. isn't she a cutie. i love this picture of her and sweet amanda. it's an ongoing joke in our family that chris is the favorite child ... parents and siblings alike. and don't even get me started on strangers and ex-boyfriends. it's really not a joke. everyone who knows her, loves her. my sister has taught me soo much. she has always been the peacemaker in our family and had the art of forgiveness and christlike love mastered before she was 5. she's amazing. like superman | superwoman amazing. i guarantee if you took a poll of the best people in lee's summit, missouri - she would be in the top 5. i think they even sell "i love chris lewman" t-shirts at the mini marts.

since we couldn't be with her to celebrate, we decided to send her an ice cream party in a box. the babies decorated one side with markers and then we filled it with goodies:

12 ice cream bowls, spoons, and happy birthday napkins

candy box of turqouise and green m & ms

candy box of sprinkles

candy box of sour dots

hand-crushed oreos + hand-crushed butterfingers

party horns and balloons

...just to name a few. it was a fun package to send. i also got sparklers to send her but forgot to stick them in the package. just add anything fun. i like color coordinating stuff.

sent via fed ex to ensure the chocolate didn't melt. it arrived in good ole missouri on friday. today is actually her birthday though. just a little shout out that we love you and hope you have a wonderful day!

an opportunity {to do good}.

2011-07-30T15:56:00.000-06:00

in a ward we were in previously, we met a really nice family, the jensens. really the mom, tricia, opened our hearts to foster care. she had adopted a little boy through foster care and was adopted herself. her love and example is really what made us want to take the foster care classes and learn more about becoming a foster parent about 5 years ago. we took all of the foster care classes and learned soo much. i usually cried every single class {which i'm sure was annoying for others, especially my husband ...lol!}. it was an experience that i can honestly say changed my heart and made me want to help in any way i could. tricia not only adopted through foster care, but it is her life's work. she also works in the foster care program.

her son, wyatt, is now working on his eagle project. and just like his mom, with such a giving heart, he chose to do 100 backpacks filled with school supplies for children in the foster care system. they seem to already have enough school supplies but are looking for backpack, monetary or backpack donations. if you are interested in donating either, please let me know. we are hoping to help them out in this area. it's such a great cause and i know it will mean a lot to the children getting them. when you are going through a hard time like that, knowing anyone cares is a blessing.

don't you love how in this big ole' crazy world there are people - teenagers - who take the time to look back and extend a helping hand.

... the world just got a little more beautiful.

family {updates}.

2011-07-29T00:49:00.000-06:00

from me:
i feel like i am constantly talking about myself on this here blog - so lets skip me this month and you can catch up on the rest of the family.

the little miss:
a hundred times a day you will hear her say, "aisa'toa - COME. i hold you." | loves to eat "noodles", chickpeas, plain yogurt with honey and cinnamon, kid cliff bars, ice, chocolate and chinese crackers | spends her days riding her bike, reading books, coloring + drawing, listening to her videos on her ipod touch, helping mommy clean, playing with her brother, going to the park, running through the house | loves singing the abc song | counts to 16 by herself | loves saying what color something is | has learned most of her shapes | loves, loves, loves to run | is a fish in water | counts to 6 in spanish | 1 hour total of tv a day (at most): a bit of dora the explorer before lunch + a bit of the good night show on sprout after bath before bedtime - that's it on tv | gives the best hugs ever and then says "thank you" for letting her hug you | is a little sweetie | named her new doll "aunty anga" | very good at telling her brother what to do - she will make a great mommy someday.

the little man:
likes to roll the windows up and down in the car {thank heaven for window locks from the driver seta} | unrobes whenever he walks by a bathtub | opens and can unlock every door in the house {scared me a few times thinking someone got in} | lovingly gives head butts most of the time instead of kisses {he thinks they are kisses} | loves to eat anything except really cold ice cream | loves to dance | prefers hitting the tv than watching it - although he loves dora the explorer too | always has his karlee quilt in tow and brings ame' hers whether she asks for it or not | likes to play the piano and sing made-up songs | loves my dad's sports car and always walks around it touching it saying "wow" | picks up bugs and brings them to me instead of running away from them | is soo sweet and cuddly before bed | goes 100 miles a minute every other time of the day | runs in circles and falls down laughing | mows the lawn with his play mower when daddy mows with the real one | favorite food in the whole wide world is kid cliff bars and would eat them all day and nothing else if you let him | loves food | loves his sister more than food | is a really loving happy little boy.

mr. kiwi:
works 6 days a week and usually 12-14 hours a day | has 4 jobs: therapist at a residential treatment facility, therapy and mission evaluations for lds family services, private practice, and getting the new proctor/foster business up and running | is currently "not" giving up soda | two things he can't live without: rugby and espn | is a really great husband and daddy and always spoils and surprises us | loves to mow the lawn now | misses new zealand | is gearing up for the new football season.

it's good to be {green}.

2011-07-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

i feel like i am coming late to the party. but better late than never, right? most people are already good at recycling and doing things in their homes and personal lives to better the environment and be green. i really never took time to learn about it until i became a mom and even more so when i started researching the way our food is made and started eating organic. i get asked a lot why is eating organic such a big deal. so as not to overwhelm, i suggest starting small. check out this article i found when researching organic foods for kids. it's pretty interesting ... and pretty alarming too.

what i am doing is very small but hope to improve on it day by day in hopes of a cleaner and less polluting world for a + a someday. here's a few {small} ways we are trying to help:

recycle or re-purpose packaging: made art supply jars out of organic animal cracker bins from costco.

buy from bulk bins at wholefoods/sunflower/good earth to save on packaging in landfills.

storing bulk foods in glass mason jars in my pantry - hopefully no earthquakes. looks soo pretty too!

traded one trash can for one recycle can - should have done that a long time ago!

shop the farmer's market and local farmers. never knew i have an organic farm a block away.

eating more fresh produce which has decreased trash immensely from packaged goods.

purchase products that in refillable reusable bottles.

went paperless on all bills i could - and the rest set up to pay from my checking account.

using brita water filters instead of buying bottled water.

bring our own bags when shopping. did you know a lot of stores give you a credit for doing that?

bought nontoxic environmentally safe cleaning products

(tjmax always has caldera which is completely plant-derived and parker & bailey on sale)

so that's my little contribution. like i said, not much, but like the little star fish story - it matters to someone. every little bit helps. have any green tips or tricks you want to share?

... i'm listening.

photo credit

yes, please.

2011-07-24T15:26:00.000-06:00

... and if you can make that reservation for tomorrow for 4 peeps, that would be totally groovy.

- merci,

Rachelle

september 20, 2009: your first visitors.

2011-07-23T06:19:00.000-06:00

dear ame’lia:

you had a great night and got lots of sleep. i had a great night but got no sleep because i couldn't stop staring at you ... soo worth it! when i woke up this morning, nana and papa already had you up and playing. i can’t describe the happiness and joy that you have filled our home with.

your first visitors of the day were from daddy’s sister and family: aunty glenda, uncle kinohi, and your cousins keely, adrian, and winter. you really took a liking to uncle kinohi. i guess you “hawaiian” spirits have a strong bond. :)

then aunty michelle (malia's cousin) came over and took a few pictures:

followed by mommy’s friend, michel ngatuvai, who came for a few pictures too. they are all beautiful and both captured some very special moments, like this first visit from your birth parents. see those greenstone necklaces around their necks? kui and koro sent them for matt and malia from new zealand. we wanted to give them something special ... you have one too.

please forgive me for all the bows and headbands. i know you probably think we were squishing your brain, but you looked so darn cute!

we have an open adoption. we thought that would be best for you, and your birth families too. we figured the more people to love you, the better, as long as no one is toxic and the boundaries are healthy. we are so thankful for open adoption and that hopefully you will grow up knowing where you came from and that you will always know that you have soo many people who love you.

you deserve that.
and the moon, and the stars in the sky.
- you deserve that too.

love you baby girl.

september 19, 2009: the day you came home.

2011-07-23T06:07:00.001-06:00

dear ame'lia:

i just wanted to do a little recap for you of the day. i love you!

placement:
i am so thankful that someone {aunty nani} took these pictures at placement. i wish i would have taken pictures of everyone that was there to show their love and give their support. at most placements, the room is just the birth parents, social workers, and the adoptive couple. this day the room was bursting at the seams with soo many people who love you. it was an emotional day for everyone. all of the ah quin family was there, grandpa toshi, grandma kris, all your little aunties too. grandma ah quin was also there from hawaii, and aunty lala too. matt's cousin tuli and her little boy legend came too. and of course nana + papa. and i know a lot of other family members were there in spirit as well, especially grandma laita. it was beautiful, emotional, and amazing all wrapped up in a bundle of beauty that no one could take their eyes off of ... you.

… this is the day the marshall family and the ah quin, roper, lewman, and tanuvasa famiies merged.

the drive home:
it was very strange to walk into the adoption agency with nana + papa and holding daddy's hand, and then walk out with our sweet baby girl. i know it had to be extremely difficult for the ah quin family and matt and malia. we are in such awe of their love and strength. we not only were blessed with you, but a whole other family to love. we placed you in the trooper and i sat in the backseat with you. everything felt so surreal. daddy got on I-15 and was ready to beat down any person in a car who came within 100-feet of our car while he was driving. all of the sudden the highway seemed darker and larger than usual, and we seemed so much smaller, entrusted with the most precious package and assignment: to safely guide you home. literally.

watching you sleep:
we changed you into your pajamas and got you ready for bed. was there ever anything more precious than you? absolutely not. i couldn't stop kissing you. nana rocked you and sang to you and we all took turns kissing and cuddling you. nana insisted daddy and i go to bed and take advantage of her being here to help. actually, i think nana just wanted some alone time with you. :) i tried but i just couldn’t sleep. the feeling reminded me of how i use to feel on christmas eve as a kid. how can anyone expect a child to go to sleep when they know santa is about to come? that is how this felt, only better. much, much better. i kept going back into your nursery just to peek at you in the crib. you were asleep, your legs and arms all stretched out, like you had always been there.

i couldn’t help but stand there with my hands on my mouth trying not to cry out loud so i would not wake you. happy, humbled, grateful, joyful tears for us. but my heart was also thinking and praying for your birth family as well. i knew they were missing you but i also know that heavenly father will help them get through this.

nana kept coming in when she would hear me on the monitor in your nursery. she would update me as to how you were doing. nana says you are a great sleeper and that you love your crib. she said you love to know that someone is close by and would make a noise just so she would tell you she was there. nana sent me back to bed over and over. i counted the minutes till the sun would come up. i just wanted to wake you up and hold you and talk to you and let you know how much i love you.

tonight felt like a dream and i know you are an angel. everything is better because you are here. everything is brighter, more lovely.

... even daddy's snoring... ha ha.

love you sweetheart,
mommy